One mom is defending her recent take on RSVPing "no" to other children's birthday parties.
In a late April appearance on the "We Met At Acme" podcast, "The Family Firm" author Emily Oster, an economics professor and mom of two, explained that she and her husband actively prioritize family time, adding that they sometimes say "no" to non-family activities, such as a kid's birthday party, if they're held at previously agreed upon times.
"You have to decide for your family, what are the things that are important? And one way to do that is to think big picture, like, 'What are our values?' and so on, and another is just to be like, 'What do we want our days and weekends to look like?'" Oster explained in a podcast clip shared on TikTok, which has since picked up over 223,000 views.
"If there were a Sunday afternoon birthday party, which is a time in which we don't generally do things as a family, I would be happy to let my kid go if they wanted. But if the birthday party is Sunday morning, which is a time that we like to go hiking or do other stuff together, it's just 'no,' and I think for me, that kind of simplicity is so important," Oster continued.
Why this mom says she's 'done' with kids' birthday partiesHundreds have weighed in on the TikTok post, which now has over 700 comments, with some parents agreeing with Oster's viewpoint and others strongly disagreeing.
"I wasn't a no all the time but agree here, majority no's on bday parties. All of mine played very serious travel sports, time felt sacred, had to sacrifice somewhere & happy we did," one person commented.
Other parents pointed out that the general rule of making collective time to spend as a family doesn't have to come at the expense of other values.
"I have the opposite philosophy. If my kid gets invited, they will go. It's such an easy thing and you never know how your kid showing up will be important to the birthday kid," one TikTok user commented.
"You can't hike on a Sunday afternoon instead of Sunday morning? Like yes family time but it doesn't have to be static," another person wrote.
Oster, who is also the CEO of the online platform ParentData, told "Good Morning America" she hopes people listen to the podcast in full to better understand her position.
"If you just said, 'My family likes to spend time together on Sunday morning,' I don't think that's a very controversial statement," Oster said, adding, "My kids go to birthday parties. My kids spend time with other students [and] kids. We have play dates, etc. It is just about, in this particular example, a way in which a family might prioritize or think about their time."
She said she and her husband have kept their family time commitment with their two kids, who are now 10 and 14, "for a long time," and over the years, they've enjoyed doing a variety of activities together, from hiking and spending time outdoors to bowling.
Mom shares 'hot take' on not throwing birthday parties for her kid"The idea that we would like to spend some time together as a family, that is part of the core values that my husband and I share, and I think it's very similar to many other families," said Oster.
Oster said she doesn't expect every parent or family to agree with her perspective but that she hopes fellow parents can take a closer look at the choices they're making for their families, and prioritize what's best for them.
"It's really valuable to think about the choices that you make and that the choices that are right for you might not be the same choices that are right for everybody," she said. "What I urge people is to think about what you want your weekends to look like … so then you can make the life that you love."
