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Family July 18, 2019

Dad admits he can't hack it over summer break in viral post

PHOTO: Mike Julianelle with one of his children.
Mike Julianelle
Mike Julianelle with one of his children.

Even for the most patient parent, summer vacation can be a trying time.

Mike Julianelle, the dad behind the popular blog and social media platforms known as "Dad and Buried," posted to his Instagram that it took exactly 1.5 days for him to lose it.

"I don’t want to be a stay-at-home parent," he captioned his post. "I don’t want to have to find ways to fill my kids’ days all summer. I don’t want to plan, I don’t want to pack stuff, I don’t want to herd them places, I don’t want to go places. I don’t have the temperament, I don’t have the patience, I don’t have the interest. I also don’t have a choice."

Julianelle told "Good Morning America" he and his wife have each taken time as the stay-at-home parent and right now, it's his turn to stay home with their two kids, 8 and 3, in Brooklyn, New York. But with freelance writing, his blog and active social media accounts, he's still under some degree of work stress.

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It’s day two of my summer as a stay-at-home dad and I’ve already lost it on my kids. . Actually, I lost it at day 1.5. I’m not cut out for this. . I knew it 6 years ago when I did it for the first time, I knew it a month ago when it was looming again, I knew it yesterday when things were going well, and I definitely knew it today when I yelled at my 8yo and carried him to another room because he wouldn’t stop complaining about something he actually wanted to do. . I don’t want to be a stay-at-home parent. I don’t want to have to find ways to fill my kids’ days all summer. I don’t want to plan, I don’t want to pack stuff, I don’t want to herd them places, I don’t want to go places. . I don’t have the temperament, I don’t have the patience, I don’t have the interest. . I also don’t have a choice. . Circumstances being what they are, and summer being what it is, someone has to stay home with my kids all day. Mom and Buried has done it for years, and now she's working and I'm not, so I’m back in the saddle. Reluctance (and unsuitability) aside, I have no choice but to get better at it. . They don’t need to know how stressed I am, they don’t deserve a dad who’s grumpy and frustrated before the day has even begun, and most of all, they don’t deserve a boring summer. . Summer is sacred. And it's usually Mom and Buried's territory. But it's on me now. . No, we might not be able to send them to camp or take them on fancy trips, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things to do. And it’s on me to do them. More than that, it’s on me to do them with a smile on my face. Or at least without constantly yelling at them. . So far, things aren’t going so great. But there’s nowhere to go but up! . This is one of the primary challenges of parenting. Not letting your grownup stress impact your kids' childhood innocence. We all have struggles, and sometimes the toll they take is going to manifest itself, often in ways you don't even realize. . I guess the good news is: I do realize it. Which makes it even more crucial that I manage it, and do whatever I can to prevent my kids from catching on. . I've gotta fake it until *they* make it. But what else is new? . #stayathomelife

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On the day, he "lost it" he told "GMA" his wife was calling from work. He was dealing with the kids and simultaneously trying to get some work done. He asked his 8-year-old to go upstairs so he could talk to his wife and "though he always wants to be upstairs" his son wouldn't go.

"I lost it," Julianelle said. "I started yelling. My wife was frustrated because not only was I not listening to her, she could hear me yelling at our kid. Then he was yelling and my three-year-old started yelling."

(More: 3 easy ways to get your kids up and off the couch this summer)

The thought that went through his head, he told "GMA" was "How am I going to survive?"

It's a common, if not commonly shared, thought of stay-at-home moms everywhere when it comes to summer vacation. Julianelle thinks one of the reasons there's so much engagement with his post is not only because of it's honesty, but because it's coming from a dad.

"We're supposed to be 'the fun parent.'" he said.

"There's a lot of sentimentality about parenting," Andrew Burmon, Editor-in-Chef of Fatherly, told "GMA." "That's probably for the best, but it often obscures the fact that parenting is work. Being honest about the emotional and economic challenges of raising kids in America right now is an act of bravery and selflessness.

"There needs to be a broader and more honest discussion of parents' experiences so that the cultural, professional, and even personal expectations of parents can evolve to be more reasonable."

Fun parent or not, filling up the hours and days is an overwhelming task for most. But Julianelle writes that he realizes it's his responsibility to do so.

"No, we might not be able to send them to camp or take them on fancy trips, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things to do. And it’s on me to do them. More than that, it’s on me to do them with a smile on my face. Or at least without constantly yelling at them."

The good news is the summer is still young and there's plenty of time to get back on track.

Julianelle notes that "there’s nowhere to go but up."