Valerie Bertinelli is opening up about the lessons she's learned from past relationships.
In a candid Instagram post on Monday, the author and TV personality reflected on her romantic missteps and offered advice on navigating conflicts with a healthier approach.
"I think about mistakes I've made in relationships a lot 😅," she wrote. "I've been on both sides of this and I think I finally have some perspective, so I thought I'd share."
She went on to discuss how people approach conflict in relationships, emphasizing the importance of communication.
"When you feel hurt and wronged and know you deserve an apology but are being stonewalled by your partner because they're feeling shame, maybe this can shift your thinking," she wrote.
She encouraged her followers to consider how they bring up issues, cautioning that constant criticism and pressure can make things worse rather than fostering change.
"Change, real change, never happens through criticism, shame, or pressure," she wrote, adding that when people feel attacked, they often shut down and become defensive.
Valerie Bertinelli shares body positive message after finding clothes from Jenny Craig 'before' picInstead of placing blame, Bertinelli suggested approaching conflict with empathy.
"If you stop focusing on what they did wrong and instead approach with empathy and understanding, everything can then start to shift," she wrote.
Bertinelli offered an alternative way to express feelings in a way that fosters teamwork rather than division.
"Instead of saying, 'You always do this!' Maybe try, 'This is how I feel when this happens, can we figure this out together?' That one small change can make a difference," she wrote.
She acknowledged that handling conflict this way isn't easy, especially when emotions are high. "And hello, I'm not saying this is easy when you've been hurt and you want to lash out in anger (which is fear and/or grief and probably some of your own hidden childhood triggers). BUT, doing it differently may give you a better chance at getting the apology and amends that you deserve," she wrote.
She added, "Looking for ways to show up for each other is a love language and it takes two to do it. Even when you feel wronged and think they should just know and do better."
Bertinelli concluded with a self-deprecating remark about her own relationship history.
"I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we've hurt someone we love and shame prevents us from thinking clearly. Wouldn't it be nice to relieve the one you love from shame so they can truly give you the amends you're looking for?" she wrote. "Then again, what do I know. I have two failed marriages and fumbled the last true good man I met. Maybe don't take advice from me.😝."
Early last year, Bertinelli opened up about her love life during an appearance on "Good Morning America," revealing that she was in a relationship at the time.
She went on to share that the relationship was the result of years of personal growth and healing.
"It's all the work I have done in the last two years to recover and really work through all of my emotional troubles and problems," she explained. "And to come out the other side and be a healthier, better version of myself, a more authentic version of myself, that's what I've done -- and I met a great guy."
