Oscar-winning actress Regina King is speaking out for the first time about her son's death over two years ago.
King sat down with "Good Morning America" co-anchor Robin Roberts for an exclusive interview and shared how her late son Ian Alexander Jr., who died by suicide in January 2022 at the age of 26, is still an influence on her.
When asked what these last two years have been like for her, King said "grief is a journey."
"I'm a different person, you know, now than I was Jan. 19," the Academy Award winner told Roberts. "Grief is a journey, you know? I understand that grief is love that has no place to go."
King said her late son, whom she honored by wearing orange -- his favorite color -- at the Oscars, struggled with his mental health.
"When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way and they expect it to look heavy," King told Roberts. "And people expect that … to have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian's choice, which I respect and understand, you know, that he didn't wanna be here anymore, that's a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian's journey."
As a mom, King said seeing Ian with his struggles still made her "so angry with God."
"I was so angry with God. You know, why would that weight be given to Ian?" King said.
"With all of the things that we had gone through with the therapy, with psychiatrists and programs and Ian was like, 'I'm tired of talking, Mom,'" she recalled.
Two years after her son's death, King admits she still struggles with acceptance.
"Sometimes, you know, a lot of guilt comes over me," she said. "When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, 'What could I have done so that wouldn't have happened?'"
"I know that I share this grief with everyone. But no one else is Ian's mom, you know? Only me," she continued. "And so, it's mine. And the sadness will never go away. It'll always be with me. And I think I saw somewhere, the sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me, you know?"
Today, King said regardless of her grief, she isn't shying away from talking about Ian, who often accompanied her on the red carpet in the past. She said she still feels her son's presence often, in what she calls "Ian-spirations" or little moments from the universe that remind her that he's still here.
"I know that it's important to me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is. Speak about him in the present because he is always with me and the joy and happiness that he gave all of us," King said.
"My favorite thing about myself is being Ian's mom," she added. "And I can't say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotion that comes with that. I can't do that if I did not respect the journey."
King told Roberts her starring role as the first Black congresswoman, Shirley Chisholm, in her upcoming film "Shirley" is dedicated to her late son.
"It's been a 15-year journey since we were gonna tell Shirley's story to now it actually happening. And I think 15 years ago, I wasn't ready to play Shirley. I may have thought that I was then but I wasn't ready. I needed to live more life," King said.
King's sister Reina King also plays a key role in the film as a co-producer of the biopic that chronicles Chisholm's political rise in 1972 as she becomes the first Black woman to run for president.
"We felt like there were so many people who did not know who Shirley Chisholm is, who she was … and that bugged us," King said of their motivation to bring the trailblazer's story to life.
"When you're a first, when you set out to do something that no one else has done before, there's no example of that for you. That's a lonely road to travel," she added.
King said the timing behind the making of the movie felt right, ahead of an election year.
"We were like, 'No, it needs to live and be in the space now so that if it's going to inspire anyone, especially young people to be involved with the political process, then we've done something right and we've also honored Shirley and we've followed through with what Shirley is -- unbought and unbossed,'" King said.
"Shirley" will open in select theaters Friday and premiere on Netflix globally on March 22.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You are not on your own.
