Ellie Goulding is opening up about her battle with anxiety.
Over the weekend, the singer and mother detailed her struggle with the feeling of dread and described the uneasiness she experiences in an emotional Instagram post.
"This past year has been the very best of my life," she wrote. "But this year has also been the hardest of my life."
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The "Still Falling For You" singer, who performed for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge in December and gave birth to her son, Arthur, last year, said she's had many unforgettable moments in 2021, but anxiety has also played a big role in her life.
"I've struggled daily, nightly, hourly, with a kind of panic I didn't even know existed," Goulding wrote. "While the moments of being on stage in front of all of you have been some of the most exhilarating and calming, this year I have been struggling."
"If I was to really think about it, my anxiety has dictated quite a lot of my life and career, and I feel sad about that," she added. "But it has also made me who I am, and sometimes at my most terrified, when I feel there is no escape from the sheer panic and dread in my heart and brain, I remind myself that I can feel. I feel so much and that is how I have got to this place in my life."
As 2021 came to a close, Goulding said she wanted to share her experience with her followers and explain why she didn't responded to many of them when they asked her how she was doing over social media. She went on to say that she's been "scared to admit" that she hasn't been feeling well.
"I feel like something is broken inside – something that has been echoed deeply by the few I have opened up to," she said. "This is something so so many people have gone through, you may be going through right now, or might go through in the future – and I just wanted to say, and I have to remind myself all the time, that it's not just you, it's not just me. Crippled by anxiety."
The singer hopes that by sharing her story, others going through the same thing get the courage to talk through those feelings too.
"Talking and opening up is the hardest, and the best thing you can do," Goulding said. "Life is a precious thing and seeing Arthur grow every day gives me so much hope. I have so much love and energy for anyone going through this."
"Let's get through this together," she added. "2022 is going to be a bright year. Positive energy. Together."
