A viral TikToker is opening up about what it means to be a single parent while coping with loss.
José Rolón, 45, from Brooklyn, New York, is a single father of three: Avery, 8, and twins Lilah and London, 7. Together, the family has gone viral on Rolón’s TikTok, @nycgaydad, where he posts hilariously relatable videos about fatherhood.
They’ve even recently been featured on the cover of Parents Latina magazine, making history as the publication’s first family with a gay father on the cover.
"I just started crying," Rolón told "Good Morning America" of when he got the call from the magazine. "Being on the cover is remarkable. It’s just really wonderful. I feel like we’ve been able to make strides."
With his wedding planning business on hold due to the pandemic, Rolón used TikTok as an outlet to bring some fun into his family’s life while they dealt with the stress of remote schooling and being home all the time. However, he said his intention was never to go viral.
"I did those videos for us," Rolón said. "I just needed an outlet. I needed a way to break up the madness of triple duty."
He added, "I was really surprised when they went viral because I’m an LGBTQ person and I’m Latinx. But because a lot of the videos were about parenting in the pandemic, even if other people didn’t fit the mold of LGBTQ or Latinx, they found the content relatable."
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♬ original sound - Jose Rolon
While everything is on the up and up now, it hasn’t always been that way. Rolón said he grew up in an abusive household with a father that would constantly push ideas of "machismo" on him, and eventually lost both parents by the time he was 23.
Even with that loss, Rolón said he was determined to make sure he didn’t turn out like his father and bring love into his life.
In 2007, he met Tim Merrell, and the two later wed in 2010. But 3 years after in 2013, Merrell passed away in his sleep due to a heart attack.
"I just couldn’t believe it," Rolón said. "We had just talked."
Merrell’s death left Rolón a single father to newborn Avery and, with their surrogate 11 weeks pregnant, twins on the way.
"I didn’t know how I was going to do it," Rolón said. "They say it takes a village to raise a child. But it doesn’t take a village -- it takes a city. And I had three."
Rolón’s support system -- friends, family, and even strangers -- came out in full force to help him.
"Don’t be afraid to ask for help," he advised. "So many parents are afraid to ask for help and so other people assume they have it under control. Needing help and vulnerability isn't something to be ashamed of."
Coping with the loss of his husband and grieving while showing up for his children was no easy feat. As for how Rolón managed to get through it, he owes it all to his kids.
"They saved my life," Rolón said. "I would go into my room alone and cry my eyes out. But then five minutes later I would hear one of them so I would have to stop what I was doing and focus on them with a smile on my face."
Despite the healthy distraction, Rolón said he makes sure to keep photos of Merrell up around the house and explain to his kids that "Daddy Tim" is their dad too.
"They know all about him," Rolón said, adding that he doesn't shy away from having difficult conversations with them.
The lesson all this has taught Rolón is to make every moment count and show affection every chance you can get, whether it's physical touch or just saying "I love you."
"What I recommend to everyone, parents or not, is to cherish the time you have and be present," Rolón said. "Nothing is permanent so live in the moment."
