'Top Chef' host Padma Lakshmi details her rape at 16

By Lesley Messer

"Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi tweeted last week that she was raped as a teenager, and on Tuesday, the TV star delved deeper into the scarring experience in an op-ed for The New York Times.

Lakshmi wrote that she met her assailant when she was 16 and he was 23. For months, he treated her respectfully, bringing her home before her curfew and going inside to speak with her mother. After a few months of dating, however, the man sexually assaulted Lakshmi as she slept in his apartment.

"The next thing I remember is waking up to a very sharp stabbing pain, like a knife blade between my legs. He was on top of me. I asked, 'What are you doing?' He said, 'It will only hurt for a while.' 'Please don’t do this,' I screamed," Lakshmi wrote. "The pain was excruciating, and as he continued, my tears felt like fear. Afterward, he said, 'I thought it would hurt less if you were asleep.' Then he drove me home."

Lakshmi, 48, came forward with her story to explain why some women don't report their rapes to police, or even to loved ones. Noting that she didn't tell a soul about her experience until years later, Lakshmi stated that at the time she felt like it was her fault for going back to his apartment and for dating someone older. She even tried to dissociate herself from what happened. She had been a virgin, and she she believed that losing her virginity should be "a big deal — or at least a conscious decision."

Lakshmi, now the mother of an 8-year-old daughter, also wrote that they had sent her to India for a year after she told her mother and stepfather that her stepfather's relative had molested her at age 7. That experience, Lakshmi explained, caused her to believe that "if you speak up, you will be cast out."

"Some say a man shouldn’t pay a price for an act he committed as a teenager. But the woman pays the price for the rest of her life, and so do the people who love her," she wrote. "I think if I had at the time named what happened to me as rape — and told others — I might have suffered less. Looking back, I now think I let my rapist off the hook and I let my 16-year-old self down."

I was 7 the first time I was sexually assaulted. He was a relative of my mom’s second husband. I told my folks and they sent me away. #WhyIDidntReport

— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) September 21, 2018

The second time I was 16 years old and a virgin. He was my boyfriend. "Date rape" wasn't discussed in the 80's. I was horrified and ashamed. #WhyIDidntReport

— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) September 21, 2018

The third time I was assaulted I was 23. I thought that no one would believe me, because no one wanted to stand up to him. I had seen the way Anita Hill was treated when she came forward. #WhyIDidntReport

— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) September 21, 2018

To people saying “Why didn’t he/she report it?” When something so evil happens to you it takes a long time to process it. In our victim-blaming culture it takes incredible courage to come forward. The victim is treated like the perpetrator.

— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) September 22, 2018

Now, the "Top Chef" star is hoping that by opening up about what happened to her and why she kept quiet, others might understand why Christine Blasey Ford and Deborah Ramirez did not report their decades-old allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavaanaugh to police. Ford has accused Kavanaugh of attempting to sexually assault her while they were in high school and Ramirez claims Kavanaugh exposed himself to her when they were in college. Kavanaugh has denied both allegations.

"I am speaking now because I want us all to fight so that our daughters never know this fear and shame and our sons know that girls’ bodies do not exist for their pleasure and that abuse has grave consequences," Lakshmi concluded. "Those messages should be very clear as we consider whom we appoint to make decisions on the highest court of our land."